Motherhood, An Invitation to a Laid-Down Life

Motherhood~ an invitation to a laid down life.  There is no other position on the planet that brings as much fulfillment and pain and challenge and laughter and frustration and exhaustion and exhilaration as being a mom. The around the clock energy and attention that’s needed is one of the trials of motherhood.  There have been several commercials dedicated to moms throughout the years, which highlight the tedious and never-ending job of motherhood.  No one can really ever prepare a mom for the 24/7 demands that will be placed upon her. 

I have been a mom for 27 years to 3 amazing children (27, 23 &17 years old).  I have spent many tears throughout the years in the place of mothering.  The joys of watching these three beautiful ones grow up emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and physically is quite a portfolio.  I often gaze at pictures of each of them as infants, then toddlers & preschool years, elementary & middle school years, then high school and college…and now my 2 daughters are amazing young women who are managing homes, careers, more college and my oldest and her husband have a new baby in their home.  There is no greater joy in all my life than to see my children at the stages they are in right now… it has all been so worth it!  

I want to share some advice with younger moms about motherhood.  I realize the demands on mothers, so I will make this short and to the point.  I’m following an acronym for GRACE so hopefully you can grab hold of it and remember the key words I share:


G= Grace. Grace which is defined by Webster’s 1828 dictionary as “favor; good will; kindness; disposition to oblige another; as an act of grace; appropriately the free unmerited love and favor of God, the spring and source of all the benefits men receive from Him”.  Moms, extend grace to yourselves and extend grace to others (your children, husband, other moms, co-workers, etc).  What does it look like to extend kindness to yourself?  We are often hardest on ourselves. 

R=Rest. When you are not rested, it is hard to think rightly; tempers are more easily tested and decisions are not always rational.  Have you heard of the H.A.L.T. acronym? If you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, don’t make any major decisions or get into serious discussions.  Take some time out.  I know with little ones around that is not always easy, but you can step into the bathroom or go into your room for a few minutes.  Put the kids in their rooms/cribs/playpens/etc so you can get a breather.  When my oldest was an infant (under 1 year), she cried a lot!  At one of her doctor appointments, I shared my concerns of no sleep and a lot of crying and Lindsay’s pediatrician said these words which I have treasured throughout all my children’s upbringing:  “Well, when Lindsay is crying and you know there isn’t a ‘real’ reason for it, put her in her crib. No baby has ever died just from crying. J Kristen, then you go in your room, put on your Discman player (back in the day IPOD), and let her cry for 15-20 minutes so you can breathe or rest.”  Hallelujah!  Best advice ever!!!! 

A=Acknowledge failure/sin/mistakes.  Be the first to say “I’m sorry” when needed. Our children learn from us~ not what we say, but what we do.  Ask for forgiveness when necessary.  This keeps our hearts humble and will teach our children to live humbly before God, us and others.  Mothering is HARD WORK and you won’t always get it right.  I remember so many times where I failed in how I disciplined or that I lost my temper or said something hurtful or unkind to my kids.  We are just learning how to parent as we are raising our kids~ it’s not like we did an internship first to get all the kinks out.  This is not a trial run, this is it!  So, when you blow it, admit it.  Don’t try to cover up your failure or sin, acknowledge it and ask for forgiveness.  Repentance is a key in any relationship~ especially with our children.


 C=Comparison-free zone.   Women are so quick to compare themselves to others.  I can’t even tell you how many times I left the house when my kids were young and would think to myself, “how come I can’t look like ________________” or “ ________ never looks a mess like I do” or “Why can’t my children act like _________.”  Oh the challenges of putting on clothes when you have babes at home!  Or to get a shower or do laundry or housework….oh my! This goes back to “GRACE” – give yourself grace.  Make a decision with your will and your mind to NOT COMPARE yourself to others (good or bad).  I remember before I had kids (you probably know where this is going) and I would see children running amuck at a store or sloppily dressed somewhere and I would think “My children will never look like that or behave like that”!  Ha-ha!!!  Be careful about the things you think or say!  You don’t want others to judge you so don’t judge others.  After getting some sense smacked into me (from years of mothering), now when I see kids acting up at a store or something that would have aroused a judgment statement years ago, I speak blessing over that mom and those kids.  I think, “I wonder what kind of day that mommy has had….what’s going on in her life?  Lord, would you shower her with love today.  May she feel the Presence of the Lord upon her.  Bless those children with her.”  Make a determination to live in the comparison-free zone!
 
 E=Encouragement. Encouragement literally means “to pour courage into”.  How cool is that?  Get around some women who are:

 1)      where you are at in mothering~ so you can walk through the seasons together and encourage one another with what you are seeing.  Potty training with others makes it so much easier!  Asking one another, “what’s working for you?”  My friend Susie and I have parented together since our baby boys were 1 month old.  Now they are 17!  We’ve had one another to share struggles and joys and ask questions and figure things out together when the kids were young.  Now we are watching our children become adults ~ all the things we used to talk about when the kids were little is happening~ Marriages|babies|careers|college.  It’s gone by so fast!

2)     older than you~ These are the women who will pour courage into you!  They are wise because they’ve been where you are!  I had women in my life who were always one or two steps beyond where I was (and I still do) to encourage me to know “this won’t last forever” (whatever “this” was).  Gain wisdom and knowledge by listening to these women.  Keep humble before them and let them know what is really going on because they have been there.

 
 That’s my advice for motherhood (well for now).  As I watch my daughter, Lindsay in her mothering, I am in awe of how beautifully she is embracing it.  Motherhood will drive the “flesh” from you.  Invite the Holy Spirit into your mothering.  He knows how to do it best. Ask for strategy, peace, knowledge, discernment, wisdom, joy, love, patience, etc.  Motherhood is not natural because the natural tendency is to think about “me”.  Motherhood is supernatural, because we are empowered by God’s Spirit to lay down our lives for our friends (children).  This is the greatest invitation of all~ to embrace this kind of love. 


Moms, it is worth every moment! 
John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends {children}."