KRISTEN TSCHIDA MINISTRIES
  • Home
    • About Kristen
    • Contact
    • Invite Kristen
  • ARROWS
    • Crafting Arrows
    • Young Arrows
  • blog
  • Podcast
  • Store
  • 21 Days to Grow in Prayer
  • Devotional
  • Purity Pursuit
    • Purity Pursuit audio sessions

Conflict is meant to strengthen relationships

4/5/2019

0 Comments

 
​Conflict is Meant to Strengthen Relationships
For many of us conflict has an extremely negative connotation based on our experiences and expectations.  The truth is that conflict will happen. It is inevitable when we are in a relationship with people who are different than us. The question is, "How will you respond when these situations arise?"  Conflict, when handled in a healthy way becomes a tool that strengthens relationships.  A few causes of conflict are a misunderstanding, a problem, strong emotions, difference of opinion, difference in expectations or priorities, feeling confusion about something or addressing an issue that is uncomfortable.  Before resolving the conflict, plan ahead how you will respond, rather than reacting in moments of conflict.  {This is easier to write than live out :)}.

Here are 10 heart checks before resolving conflicts:
1) Check your motivation~ Will your words help or hurt? Will this bring healing and oneness or isolation?    
2) Check your attitude~ Don't run your spouse over with your words or your tone.  90% of communication is body language.  What is your body language communicating?   
3) Check the timing.  Is the time right to have the conversation about the conflict?  Never have these conversations in public, in front of your children, when you are tired or out of energy. And do not engage in these conversations when you are still fuming over the circumstance or issue.  You don't want your emotions to run away from you.  
4) Check on other pressures. Are there other things going on in your life or your spouse's life that may be contributing to the conflict?  
5) Check your code book. Many misunderstandings come from thinking we know the other person's motives. The only way to find out why people do what they do is by asking them.  We all have a “secret code book” of communication. Each person is uniquely wired and has their own code. We all see things differently. Keep this in mind with all your difficult conversations.  
6) Listen~ If you take time to listen to the way your spouse feels & thinks, instead of trying to change it, you can learn to build deeper connection. After you listen, then you can share your perspective in an honoring way. Stephen Covey said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood".  As you listen, ask questions to get clarification. The goal in all communication is connection.
7) Stick to one issue at a time~ Don't bring up several things/complaints against your spouse. Take one issue at a time.  It is not fair to throw a year's worth of complaints at your spouse and communicate effectively.  To your spouse, it will feel like an assault and he will go on the defense to protect himself.
8) Focus on the problem~ Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team facing your problem. Don't put the problem between the two of you. Tackle it together.
9) Focus on the facts~ Don't judge motives. Don't blame or shame. What are the facts of the issue?  Take the emotions out of it as much as you are able.
10) Use "I" messages~ These messages require that you are vulnerable and are self-aware, you have taken the time to sort out what is going on inside of you. These help build connection because it allows your spouse, the listener, to understand what is going on in your heart.  Say, "I feel _____ when you _____. I need to feel __________."  
 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

      Sign up to receive updates:

    Subscribe to Newsletter

    Kristen Tschida


    My loves in life
    : Spending time in the prayer room; reading & teaching God's Word; my husband; my kids; my little loves; biking & running; being with family & friends

    My dislikes in life: Cooking; winter; technology issues

    Favorite places:  home (in my office or "secret place"); prayer room; Arizona; the beach in Florida (near my daughter)

    Favorite things for parents: 
    I can teach my child~ helping you to be your child's first teacher
    Eduplace~ outline maps for projects or prayer room activities
    Joshua Project~ ideas for praying for the unreached people groups with your kids
    Ministry to Children~ Free Bible coloring pages
    Kids of Courage~ Raising awareness to the persecution going on in the world
    Moral Revolution~ Encouraging a generation to walk in purity
    Loving of Purpose Life Academy~ How to become safe & powerful in life and relationships

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Picture
    What's Next Tribe
    Picture
    Our "little loves"!!!
    Picture
    My sister and I in Madison, WI~ Badger country!
    Picture
    34 years of marriage!
    Picture
    Tschida/Meyer buddies!

    Archives

    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    January 2018
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    August 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    March 2013
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012

    Categories

    All
    Advent
    Agape Love
    Attitude
    Beautiful
    Belief
    Birth
    Birth Of Jesus
    Celebrate
    Christmas
    Cross
    Devotional
    Discipleship
    Dreams
    Eden
    Family
    Goals
    Gospel Of John
    Gratitude
    Habits
    Happiness
    Health
    Journal
    Lent
    Life
    Love
    Love Story
    Marriage
    Mentoring
    Mission
    Parenting
    Plan
    Prayer
    Priorities
    Purpose
    Relationships
    Teens
    Thanksful
    Time
    Tips
    Vision
    Worship

    RSS Feed

Subscribe to the Kristen Tschida ministries email list & receive a 14 Day Marriage Prayer Challenge download.

SUBSCRIBE
  • Home
    • About Kristen
    • Contact
    • Invite Kristen
  • ARROWS
    • Crafting Arrows
    • Young Arrows
  • blog
  • Podcast
  • Store
  • 21 Days to Grow in Prayer
  • Devotional
  • Purity Pursuit
    • Purity Pursuit audio sessions